Heavy Heart
Today I have a heavy heart. Dwayne's grandparents sent us an envelope full of newspaper clippings about a guy we know and his run-ins with the law. When we were in highschool, Dwayne didn't hang around with a great crowd. They thought all sorts of things were fun and funny - and they weren't. Lots of partying, drinking, getting rowdy, etc. When we started dating, I was 16 and we hung around with these people as a couple. There were 2 guys in particular that Dwayne was friends with. Dwayne & I were so in love and were on the fairly straight-and-narrow. However, we continued to hang around (and have fun times with) these 2 guys and their kaleidoscope of changing girlfriends. C started to settle down around the time that we got married. He had a nice girlfriend and they had a baby together and seemed like they would continue that way. They both stood up at our wedding. Shortly after our wedding, we lost touch with them. We moved and they had another baby and then split up. Since we moved, we haven't seen them again but have heard things through the grapevine. He has had at least one child since and has been in and out of trouble with the law. The clippings that we received today say that he stole a truck pulling a trailer with a bobcat on it. He is now spending time in jail. My heart is heavy. I know that he was never on the honor roll or a boy scout, but there was something about him that made me think that he'd make it. When we moved, he had made some big, dumb mistakes, but he was young and full of life. We had some serious talks over the years - him & Dwayne & I - and he really had dreams that didn't seem out of reach. I know that it is not too late for him. It won't be easy, but he can still make it. I will be praying that someday he will see the Truth and find the support that he needs to turn his life around. In the meantime, although Dwayne & I don't see him anymore, we will not write him off in our minds. He is a person and he has value. I just pray that someday he sees that.
I Quit!
I finally decided to quit accounting. I am continuing to do taxes, as it will keep my mind accounting-sharp and it is for such a brief time with small projects. I gave notice to my last client last week that I am not starting any 2007 accounting. Short notice? I know, and I feel badly about that but I am just too busy. When I had Dylan, I quit my job as Controller at the mill I was working at. I decided to have an accounting practice from my home. I thought it would be the best of both worlds - using my accounting education and skills and being a stay-at-home mom. I worked before Dylan woke up in the morning and while he was napping in the afternoon. It was alot of work, as I also had a house to run and sleeptimes are the best times for doing cleaning, personal finances, etc. When Kobe was born, not much changed. He slept so much that I kept the same loose schedule as I had before. Kobe is not a baby anymore. He is a toddler - a very busy, curious toddler. It is getting to be too much. I can't focus on my family as I would like to and sending them out of the home is not an option for me.
I want to be Wife, Mom & Friend. I want my attention to be focused on these things. It is a financial sacrifice, but well worth the family benefits. Dwayne came home the other day and said that he was so glad that I'd decided to quit and he said, "I can't believe we never thought of this sooner!" It is so great to have his support and he thinks my time and energies are best spent in the home.
Relief...that is my feeling around the whole situation. It must be a good decision.
I Have Been Drowning Them!
I love plants. I wish my house looked like a small jungle. It does not. I have about 5 plants and 2 I was plant-sitting for a friend - I was honest and told her I wasn't great with plants the moment she asked me. They both died. I know I'm not great with them, so I decided to put myself on a more strict schedule for watering. Previously, I watered them when they started to look a little wilty. Amazingly, they were doing quite well. Then I decided I needed to take better care of them. I wrote a weekly appointment on my calendar to remind myself to water them. They are doing miserably - what is left of them - and I am getting discouraged. My friend, whose plants I killed, came over last night and brought Dylan some Basil plants that are just starting. She thought he might like to learn about them. While she was here, we starting talking about the sorry state of my plants. After talking to her I realized I AM DROWNING THEM during this time of being so attentive to them. She showed me what to do and how to get new sprouts going off of clippings and everything! And she used such little water!!! When I tried to save one of her plants I cut off a piece and put it in water, lots of water. It was floating like a lily pad. So thankful to have her show me. Now I have some new projects to try. My jungle will emerge. Thanks Lucille! By the way, the Basil is a hit with Dylan.
Girls' Night Out
I just got home from a friend's surprise birthday party and everyone is already sleeping, so here I am updating my blog. The birthday party was really nice. It was for a lady that I have grown very fond of over the past couple of years. The party was a surprise and there were about 15 of us that shared a fajita potluck. It was y-u-m-m-y. Then we played Cranium and my team got waxed by the other - that's okay, we can blame it on the bad rolls of the dice. Ha! Ha! She really loves to bake and cook and will never, ever spoil herself, so we got together and got her a nice-sized gift certificate for The Pampered Chef. I told her not to spend it wisely - just buy whatever she really wanted. What a fun time! I really hope that she had a great time and realizes how much we love her.
If You Could See Yourself Through My Eyes
I have a friend whom I've known since I was 14. She is caring, attentive, very fun to be with, a little clumsy, a great mom and a fantastic friend. Her laughter is infectious and she's real, absolutely genuine. There is one problem...she doesn't see herself this way at all. She doesn't see her value and she's really hard on herself. Have you ever had someone that you love so much that is like this? I want to yell at her, shake her, whatever, and scream, "If you could only see yourself the way I do!?!?" She's robbing herself and the world by not realizing her value and potential as a really great person.
Then I think...I bet this is how God feels about us. We often sell ourselves short. He created us with skills and traits and inner beauty. It is sometimes hard to get past the shallow stuff or the outer stuff. I bet he wants to shake us and say, "If you could only see yourself through my eyes!?!?!"
My goal is to start trying to see myself how He sees me. And it the meantime, keep encouraging my friend to do the same.
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