No Snow, Not Yet!

I woke up yesterday to the children dancing around and singing something about it snowing. Indeed it was.

They were so excited!

I was not!

I always say that I wasn't meant to be born in this country. I tolerate the winters to 'get to the good stuff'.

Thankfully, the snow didn't last long enough to get to the ground. It's not here to stay yet, but here are some pictures of this summer to look back at wistfully while winter looms...

That's me driving - all big & pregnant.

Isn't this the way all children travel?

My dad, my brother and Dwayne are throwing rocks across the river. I tried and tried to get them in sync, but when the competetive testosterone is flowing, it's hard to get any cooperation...

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Kobe rode with my Dad all day - you just couldn't tear him away.

This guy still makes my heart leap...

Aiy, aiy, aiy - I have a love-hate relationship with pregnancy pictures. I want to have them so I can remember, but it is painful looking at all that largeness!

I'm going to pretend I didn't hear Kobe say, "Let's go snowmobiling!" yesterday and enjoy the rest of Autumn before the white stuff comes to stay.

Pregnancy Update

I went to see the obstetrician.

Because of where we live and the complications I've had with my reproductive system and previous deliveries, the obstetrician thinks that I should live in the city (2 hours away) for the last two weeks before my due date.

This is a big deal.

I have three active boys, a husband that works here in town and a million things to do before the baby comes. Also, Kobe was 12 days overdue. If this one is that overdue, that means I'll be there for about a month!

Dwayne asked me how I felt about it and I was trying hard to hold back tears.

I am large, tired and can't physically manage the children on my own for that long. The older two are fine...potty-trained, not too many no temper tantrums, sleep well.

Zane is another story. He is so busy. Really busy. Does not sit still EVER busy.

Dwayne took one look at me and said, "I think I should keep Zane in town. He can go to Mrs. Z's when I'm at work and he and I will hang out after work."

My gut reaction was "NO!" I don't want to be away from him. I love him and want him right there with me. But after thinking it through, I think it's best. The two of them will have some great bonding time and the older children and I will get to enjoy some last-minute-before-baby-comes bonding too.

We will enjoy trips to the library, swimming lessons and some quiet time to prepare for babe.

And, who knows, maybe baby will be a little early.

Sometimes You Just Need A Hero

He came home from work for a couple of minutes - just long enough to pick something up.

When he entered the house, he saw her crying on the couch.

He went over, gave her a hug and asked what was wrong.

She didn't answer, just cried harder.

He could hear his youngest crying from upstairs and asked where the children were.

Between sobs, she said, "In their rooms. In timeout."He asked what was wrong.Her response? "I'm just so tired. They won't listen. They have too much energy. I can't keep up. And *sob, sniff* the last one's not even here yet." And it was only 9:30am.

Yep...that's the scene that played out in our home yesterday.

It was one of those mornings. You know the ones - where they all seem to get together and plan how to drive Mama crazy. How to make her so very exhausted she can't even think. And they must know that there is a crazy-point that she can't control her pregnancy hormones one second longer and the waterworks will come bursting like a dam.

The sobbing/praying fiasco was soon finished. My Superman got all of us back on track and the rest of the day went well. I guess I just needed a time out and a hero.

33 Weeks

Just wish I had some 'before the baby dropped' pictures. I was huge!

My Belly Is So, Well...Small

It's been a rough go for me this pregnancy.

I got very large, very quickly.

Worse than the heartburn and the charlie horses were the dizziness, feeling faint and not being able to breathe.

The last month has been particularly challenging, as even climbing the stairs required a short sit after. I don't have time to sit - I have 3 little boys!

I was feeling a bit down. I didn't want to feel like I was wishing away two full months of my life. I want to savour the rest of this pregnancy - it will likely be my last. I want to enjoy this time with my other children. I want to have energy to be the Mom I usually am.

Then it happened on Monday. The baby dropped. Substantially.

My belly looks and measures much smaller, my heartburn is much less and ... drumroll ... I can breathe!

My doctor isn't sure what the baby dropping this early might mean, but for now, I'll take it!

C'mon boys, let's go have some fun!

Clumsy Pregnant Chick

Today I had one of those 'I can't believe I did that' moments.

I was buckling Zane into his carseat after a visit with Mrs. Journey.

My shoe slipped on the side of the truck.

I fell out of the truck.

Because we were parked so close to the steep ditch, I had no place to put my foot down.

I fell from the truck to the ditch and then rolled down the - did I mention steep? - ditch.

What a sight I must have been! I haven't posted any pregnancy pictures lately, but people keep asking me if I'm having twins. You've got the idea...

In moments like this, why do you first look around to see if anybody saw you before you figure out if you're okay? I did this. I don't think anybody saw. Except Dwayne - who came bolting around to my side of the truck with the most panicked expression.

He brought me straight home and had somebody at my house within half an hour to help with the children for the rest of the afternoon - he had to go back to work.

I am sore. My belly was jolted and I feel like I've been doing situps. I hurt my back and pulled muscles all up through my shoulder blades. I'm laying down now while the babysitter plays outside with the children.

If you're bored and run out of things to pray about today...well, maybe you could send a quick one up for me.

I know. I'm a wimp.

It's A....

BOY!

Ever since having Kobe, I have wanted 4 boys. It looks like I am getting what I wanted!

We had our ultrasound and there is definitely a 'package' on our baby. He was a bit shy - it took the tech awhile to get him into a position that we could see clearly.

He was being lazy, not moving around too much. The other three boogied around so quickly that the tech always had problems getting the measurements they needed. Since this one seemed more laid-back and wasn't showing us his 'package', I started to think it might be a girl.

When the tech said he was a boy, I felt a great sense of relief come over me. It's familiar. Familiar is comforting. I wouldn't even know where to begin with a girl.

Now, please know that if it had been a girl, I would have been thrilled too! I mean, God knows what is best for our family and I trust Him in all that concerns our lives.

I feel like we're a complete package now. Ahhhh...

(And, Lord willing, I'm done.)

Queen To My 3 Boys...And A Baby!

This is a real, live photo of what I saw earlier this week...







This time I'm not sure what to think.
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Every other time I've been so excited. This time I'm anxious.
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I don't know if I'm cut out for what it takes to raise 4 busy children.
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I had always wanted two children - ever since I can remember. When I had surgery for endometriosis, the surgeon told me that my reproductive system was quite damaged. He said I may not be able to have any more (we only had Dylan at the time).
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As soon as I heard those words, I wanted a whole houseful. We have been blessed by 2 more since then.

Zane (14 months) was born by c-section. I asked the ob/gyn to check out the endometriosis situation while he was in there. He did and said that one of my tubes was not functioning and that I would probably only ovulate from the other side. This would cut the chances of pregnancy to 50%. If we wanted more, we should get on it.

The thought of having another so close just scared me. We thought that maybe that was it. Three is good, right?!

Since then, we've waffled. I mean, really waffled. Our birth control techniques were lax to non-existant, depending on how my mothering day had gone. Some days I thought I would really enjoy having another. Other days were simply so very busy. Because of my damaged tube and our fertility history (I conceived Kobe finally on fertility drugs), I wasn't all that worried - or confident (depending on how I was looking at it that particular day).

In my mind, my family doesn't seem complete with three. The thought of having 4 older children causes my heart to dance. The problem is that to get to be older children you've got to raise 4 young children. That's hard work. That's busy. That's tiring exhausting .

I have to say that we've prayed this should-we-try-again-or-not-thing through a million times. I'm so glad that God's in control and not me. I don't even know what I want, let alone know what's best. I also have to say that raising 4 small children can't be that bad. I mean, nothing a few tears and many prayers can't fix.

Proofreading this post, I realize how very ungrateful I sound. I considered scrapping the whole post. I'm not ungrateful - I am very thankful for the blessings the Lord has given us. I love my life. I love my children. I enjoy my days as stay-at-home-mom. I enjoy playing with my children, watching them grow, loving them. I want to be a great mom and that's why I waffle - I just want to do a great job.

Jackie - You are the single person in the world who is authorized to read my blog. I pulled it off-public so that I could be real and journal personal thoughts without feeling like someone may judge me by what I'm feeling on a particular day (like today) or without hurting someone. I know your struggles and I'm sorry. I'm sorry if you feel hurt by this post - by the fact that I'm pregnant or by the fact that I seem ungrateful. I want you to know that I am praying for you. I just know how you feel - even though it seems so bizarre now. I will pray for your fertility, for your peace, for you to curl up into His arms and sob when you need to. Bless you.