When I Look Back

When I look back to 10 years ago, I am amazed at how I have been changed. I have always been goal-oriented and have had clear ideas from very young of exactly how my life was going to be. I was in love and about to marry my highschool sweetheart. I was going to university to get my accountng designation (so I could be somebody important). I was going to have a challenging and very lucrative career (and was well on my way already). I was going to have 2 children because having children was what grownups did but they were going to go to daycare at a very young age so I could chase my career.

Since this idealistic and control-freek vision of my life, I have been changed. I say 'been changed' because it was something that was done to me, not something I did. God found me and has turned me around 180 degrees. I am still married to my highschool sweetheart and when I see him somewhere when I wasn't expecting to, my heart still skips a beat (that hasn't changed)! But, I have gladly given up my accounting career to be a stay-at-home mom of 2 children, 1 on the way and hopefully more to come! I do not plan on going back to work anytime soon as I am homeschooling the children. I used to think that 'submission' to your husband was a four-letter word - what about women's lib??? - and now I find myself welcoming it. I always wanted girls for children so they'd be like me - yikes - but now I long for 4 boys. I used to chase after material things...trips, clothes, jewellery, toys, vehicles, etc. Now I long for a more simple life with my family. I still want to be somebody important, but to very different people than I wanted to be important to before.

How is it that someone can feel so, so differently in such a short period of time? I am thankful for the life I have, the husband that makes me so happy and the children that are helping me change my view of the world. I pray everyday that I will be the wife, mom & friend that He intends for me to be.

I will leave you with a poem that I hope my boys will understand & feel someday...

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking
You hung my first painting on the refrigerator
And I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You fed a stray cat
And I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You baked a birthday cake just for me
And I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You said a prayer
And I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You kissed me good-night
And I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw tears come from your eyes
And I learned that sometimes things hurt --
But that it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You smiled
And it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You cared
And I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking --
I looked ...
And wanted to say thanks
For all those things you did
When you thought I wasn't looking.

Author Unknown


Tiany said...

This was such a wonderful post! God is so good, I love to hear the stories of how god has reeled the heart of his daughter to the home, her children and her husband! May you be blessed abundantly for allowing him to guide and take you on this beautiful adventure, so much more exciting and more rewarding then any High Career ever could have! We come from similar backgrounds as I too saw myself doing something completely different then what I am doing and now there is no other place I would rather be!

Thank you for sharing and for your transparency! It was a blessing!