When I Look Back

When I look back to 10 years ago, I am amazed at how I have been changed. I have always been goal-oriented and have had clear ideas from very young of exactly how my life was going to be. I was in love and about to marry my highschool sweetheart. I was going to university to get my accountng designation (so I could be somebody important). I was going to have a challenging and very lucrative career (and was well on my way already). I was going to have 2 children because having children was what grownups did but they were going to go to daycare at a very young age so I could chase my career.

Since this idealistic and control-freek vision of my life, I have been changed. I say 'been changed' because it was something that was done to me, not something I did. God found me and has turned me around 180 degrees. I am still married to my highschool sweetheart and when I see him somewhere when I wasn't expecting to, my heart still skips a beat (that hasn't changed)! But, I have gladly given up my accounting career to be a stay-at-home mom of 2 children, 1 on the way and hopefully more to come! I do not plan on going back to work anytime soon as I am homeschooling the children. I used to think that 'submission' to your husband was a four-letter word - what about women's lib??? - and now I find myself welcoming it. I always wanted girls for children so they'd be like me - yikes - but now I long for 4 boys. I used to chase after material things...trips, clothes, jewellery, toys, vehicles, etc. Now I long for a more simple life with my family. I still want to be somebody important, but to very different people than I wanted to be important to before.

How is it that someone can feel so, so differently in such a short period of time? I am thankful for the life I have, the husband that makes me so happy and the children that are helping me change my view of the world. I pray everyday that I will be the wife, mom & friend that He intends for me to be.

I will leave you with a poem that I hope my boys will understand & feel someday...

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking
You hung my first painting on the refrigerator
And I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You fed a stray cat
And I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You baked a birthday cake just for me
And I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You said a prayer
And I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You kissed me good-night
And I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn't looking
I saw tears come from your eyes
And I learned that sometimes things hurt --
But that it's alright to cry.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You smiled
And it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn't looking
You cared
And I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn't looking --
I looked ...
And wanted to say thanks
For all those things you did
When you thought I wasn't looking.

Author Unknown