Siblings Fight...It's Common But Unacceptable

My boys are great friends...mostly.

There are those times of constant bickering, teasing, taunting that makes me sad (and angry).

Today was different. Today Dylan was mean. He said mean things to Kobe and Kobe ended up saying similarly mean things back in retaliation.

We were in the truck when it happened. I talked to the boys about how that might feel, but Dylan was flippant about it. When we got home, I sent Kobe to his room to think and Dylan to Zane's room - it's been cleared of all toys and 'stuff' because of Zane can't be trusted to stay out of trouble - to think.

Dylan's assignment while in there was to think of something he could do that was honouring to Kobe and would make Kobe feel loved.

While thinking, Dylan decided to make Kobe a book to teach him his letters. I liked the idea of a book, but told him he could do a book on how to treat people and a few nice things about Kobe. He wasn't allowed to play until the book was finished.

Here's what he came up with completely on his own...

Translation: Crossed out 'I'll break that' and wrote 'We should not break.'

Translation: 'Kobe, you're a nice brother.'

Translation: 'Kobe, I like how you play cars.'
I was most impressed with what he came up with, especially when he did it all by himself.
When Dylan presented the book to Kobe, Kobe just beamed. He said thank you to Dylan and then Dylan said thank you to Kobe for listening while he read the book to him. (All unprompted.)
I told the boys that my heart felt better about the whole situation.
What was Dylan's response?
"My heart feels better about it, too, Mom. Something strange is going on. When I do something nice for Kobe it makes me want to do more nice things for him."
Wow! Small victories feel so very precious!


Ruby Red Slippers said...

LOVE how you handled it! Fighting, arguing CAN be nipped in the bud-and what a sweet, sweet book he made his brother-from the heart, you can tell...Love that-may I add that to my bag of tricks??

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

That little book makes my heart melt! Boys... we have been dealing with some of this and it is so important that I raise my kids to be close. What a great idea. I, too, just might be stealing this!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

momto9 said...

very precious!

Nicole said...

That is awesome! I love that idea. You know you'll have to keep that book forever, right?!

Re Sonlight: I love SL, the book selections are exactly what I like to read and I think they have the *best* read alouds. But my younger kids are using Winter Promise this year because they love crafts and I got tired of planning them myself, and one of my sons is very visual and needed more books with pictures. I'm hoping to go back to SL next year and just add in some visual books and crafts. My oldest has always used SL but I don't like the high school cores quite as well as the lower cores.

There are many Canadians on the SL boards and a lot of them used the condensed, 3+4 core for American history so that they spend less time on it. And there is a sticky in the Core 3 and Core 4 forum where Canadian Sonlighters have posted their modifications and other books they've subbed in.

HTH a little, it doesn't take much to get me going on about curriculum! ;)

Journeying Five said...

what a great post!

Anonymous said...

Wonderful idea and it worked so well. Congratulations on being a great mom. Love to all. Grandma Margaret from California.

Kristin said...

I love that. I am always looking for times for teaching peace between my boys. Luckily there are usually more good moments then negative ones.

Mummy McTavish said...

That is so sweet the way they got it sorted out. This is what we are constantly working on with our boys. We have been trying to teach them that there will always be people that want to say things that will hurt each of them so it is so important that they don't do it to each other and that they are there to defend instead of hurt their brother. It's nice when I see them start to get the idea and spontaneously encourage and build up each other but they often need a little reminder.

Heather said...

That brought tears to my eyes, how sweet and very smart of him to write that book! Isn't it nice that out of a "bad" situation something wonderfully sweet can come about. What a great learning experience for your boys about feelings, how easily they can be hurt as well as how to say their sorry. Great parenting mom!