Should Moms Work Or Stay At Home?

Heather was recently posting about blogging with integrity. A couple of people were offended by a statement she made about working mothers. It wasn't at all the point of the post, but seemed to hit a nerve.

Should moms work or stay at home? It seems to be a hot topic.

Since reading the comments on Heather's post, my mind hasn't been able to rest. I keep thinking about the process that got me to where our family is now...ending with me staying at home with the children.

Before having children, I was certain that I would continue to pursue my career once I became a mom. During a conversation with a stay-at-home mom on the topic, I remember being offended when she said, "Why are you going to have children if you're not even going to raise them?" My prickly and direct response was, "Many moms work. Many children go to daycare and they turn out just fine."

At that point in my life, all I could think about was the blood, sweat and tears it took to get my degree. I was not about to waste all that work on raising children!

After I had Dylan, I dabbled in some contract work. I was trying to get the best of both...working and staying with my little guy. I would work only when he was sleeping and give him my full attention when he was awake. It resulted in the housework falling behind and having to give up far more sleep than I could afford.

I was a new Christian and hadn't yet gotten a handle on the fact that when I made a committment to Jesus, I was saying that I would put my plan aside and follow His. I also didn't think about how much this new Holy Spirit within me would guide me - if only I took the time to ask and to search His desires for me.

I now have 3 children and 1 on the way. I am committed to following the Lord's direction in all facets of my life. I am prayerful about decisions - the little ones and the big ones. 'Pray without ceasing.'

He has answered me clearly on this debate. He wants me to stay home with the children He has entrusted to me. He wants us to be the main influence on our children. He wants us to say no to the money and trust Him. He wants me to look to Him for approval and validation, not to my work. He wants me to obey Him.

Does this require sacrifice?


  • My 'daycare' costs us around $70k per year. This is the money that I am saying no to when I stay home.
  • Some people think my job isn't as important as a 'real' job.
  • Some people think I'm wasting my degree.
  • I get comments asking if I'm bored. Are you freakin' kidding me?
  • There are days when I long for adult conversation.
  • There are days when I hear the word 'Mom' and consider replying, "She's not here. She ran away."

But in this all, He has been merciful to me. He has changed my heart - my deep inside - to desire being at home. I do not desire to be away. I do not resent staying home. I desire to be my children's mom. Full-time.

There are some things that I just don't want to ask Him because, if I do, I may have to do something I don't want to. I want to close my eyes, put my fingers in my ears, and hum LOUDLY. "Hmmm, hmmmm, hmmm...I can't hear you..."

The problem with this is that His plans for us may be so much fuller than our wildest-imagined plans. You'll be missing out and not even know it!

So before entering into this hot debate, ask yourself if whatever you're doing - staying at home or working - is your plan or His.

End of debate.


Mummy McTavish said...

I marvel at all the little things they pick up and I love the feeling of "I taught them that". I don't think I'd like to give that up.

Nancy M. said...

I think it says in the Bible in Titus 2 verse 5 that women are to be keepers of the home. I used to work too, but now I know my place is in the home.

I do think there are different seasons of life when women should work. I think as long as a woman's home is in order, it would be okay for her to work.

But, you are right, we should be doing His will, and not our own!

Anonymous said...

I feel that everyone seems to have their own reasons as well for the decisions that they have made regarding work out of home or stay at home. I try not to judge people when I am not in their shoes. not everyone has come to know Jesus, and allow hime to help with their decisions. We can only make decisions for the reasons we feel are right for us. mom

Surrounded By Boys said...

I am so jealous of any mom who gets to stay home with their kids! I know it's a tough job, but it's got to be more rewarding than any other job out there.

I, unfortunately, have to work full time to support our family while my husband stays home. I am content in knowing the kids are happy, safe and loved all day and I'm not leaving them in the care of strangers all day. But it's still tough because I so wish it was ME at home with them. :(

Saved Sinner said...

What a great post - you handled a "hot potato" topic well. I like the way you are honest about how you had a different view/plan before but you have changed.

Susan. :o)

Mary @Raising 4 Godly Men said...

Hi there sweet friend. This is a VERY good post and I will comment better tomorrow. Just finished canning zucchinni bread and butter pickles. I am going to knit a few min. and pray an then go to sleep.


Jenn@Spejory said...

I actually HAVE answered "she's not here. She ran away." Does that make me a bad mom? All kidding aside, I never planned to stay home with my boys, but I have been at home now for 11 years. I don't miss having a career because this IS the career I was always meant to have.

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

I have answered that I just "clocked out". Yeah, aren't I a great example?! I love staying home with my precious cargo, but I try not to judge. I just know that I will never look back and say, "Man, I wish I had worked when my kids were little."

Nice, thoughtful post.

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Carissa Houston said...

"your plan or His"--fantastic! A new point of view on an old argument. I do stay home with my children but never thought of it as a calling until now. Great insight; thanks.

marion said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.